Friday, May 30, 2008

You ready for a porno...with ZACK & MIRI...Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks?

I have something for you. Yes it is 3:40 in the morning and I'm not sure why I'm awake either but regardless, we have for you this morning the trailer, well teaser for Kevin Smith's new re-invisioning of the late 18th century classical play, ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO. Wait a minute, I'm hearing now that it's not a remake of an 18th century's 17th.
Anyhoo, yes, the teaser. Since I am tired and just spent 30 minutes also writing a review for TEETH which will be up in a little while, I'll post a link to which broke the teaser one minute after it was posted online. Let's give it up for SlashFilm. you go...meany!

I only use Nizar for his internet scavenging abilities which today bring me the Teaser for ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO. Enjoy!


Review: TEETH

This post contains *SPOILERS*

Alright well, where do we, begin? Ah, the plot synopsis, not too difficult. A young Dawn (Jess Weixler) has always suspected something strange about herself. Even as a small child, situations occurred-she bit her step brother. Once grown and more mature, she decided abstinence was the right decision for her and chose her friends accordingly. She soon begins having feelings for a young man she meets but when the relationships goes awry, something inside of her takes over. Teeth.
This is the story of a girl who discovers that she possesses a unique condition in which her vagina has teeth. No molars or wisdom teeth-full on razor sharp chompers. She must learn what she is and how she must deal it. We soon notice that this condition not only affects her but those around her as well.
Hit the jump below to read the rest of my review of...TEETH !!

Ok so, is it a comedy? Um, sort of. A horror? You could say that. Mystery? Like a who-dun-it kind of thing. So what is TEETH? It's all of them and none of them. My overlying thought throughout the film was that it was a pretty looking, bad B-movie, with one of thee best plots ever. But, I thought that through as the film went on I just couldn't decide. Well, I did enjoy much as I could. A big problem I had was that the director Mitchell Lichtenstein and producers just weren't setting the right tone. I definitely wanted it to be a dark comedy but it wasn't hitting the right switches. Had the complete music queues of a unintentionally comical horror film but that was just annoying and pretentious. Oh, and the nuclear power plant. Come on! They wanted us to believe that this condition was the result of some sort of mutation caused by the radiation from the plant behind the family's home. But they kept beating us over the head. Every other scene had Dawn riding her bike around town with the power plant in the background, puffing out clouds of chemical exhaust. I cringed.
Direction. Ugh. Lichtenstein had a great vision, really, I believe that, but it was missing a rawness that seemed to be replaced by unsure acting. I'm not going to blame the acting, I'm blaming the direction. In scenes, he was just giving his characters too much to do at a given time. Some scenes played out beautifully thou
gh. The opening scene of Dawn's teenage character in which she's given a monologue to youngsters. There's the first penis chewing scene with Tobey in the cave. Also, the scenes at the gynecologist and with the other moron Ryan who made a bet with his friend to sleep with Dawn.
Definitely acting wise, I really disliked several scenes. They were just too overly...obvious. Several scenes with Dawn and Tobey, the awkwardness was really getting to me. Again, this is where tone would have made certain situations understandable. It just wasn't feel enough like a dark comedy for those scenes to work for me. Hale Appleman (Tobey), I couldn't wait for his character to be killed off. Just, irritating. Now John Hensley who plays Dawn's step brother Brad, he does it the way it should have been for everyone. Every scene with him was well delivered, well acted. Jess Weixler. I really am liking her even though I wasn't too fond off her acting in TEETH, but again, I'm blaming the directing. Several of her scenes were just great, but counter those with other scenes that were crap and it makes for something that should've been better, bigger. I think she possesses a genuine beauty that countered well to the situations she was being put into. I will be looking forward to future efforts. It seems stupid, but I want to see her in a good romantic comedy with, let's say, Eric Christain Olsen, or even Jim Krasinski. Anyone else? No? Whatever!
End the end though, I am very glad that a film like this was done by an independent director and studio. Who knows what kind of crap would have been
manufactured had this been done by the people who brought us the remake of PROM NIGHT?
I did enjoy it and would recommend it for the horror factor and sheer quirkiness of some of it. And did I mention how cute Jess Weixler is?
Give TEETH a stern renting.

I give it a solid 6.87 out of 10.


Thursday, May 29, 2008

BURN AFTER READING/watching the new red band trailer

Whoohee !! So, red band is the frakin' word of the summer, I'm tellin' ya. We've gotten HAPPENING red bands, TROPIC THUNDER, PINEAPPLE EXPRESS, more recently STEP BROTHERS and now BURN AFTER READING. Give me a DARK KNIGHT red band and I'm diced, grilled, and ready to serve.
BURN AFTER READING is the much anticipated Coen brothers' follow up to the much lauded NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. I'm excited and you should be too because, well, before this trailer came out, only simple plot details and casting were released and those alone made me piss a little in my pants. George Clooney, Frances McDormand, Brad Pitt, Richard Jenkins, John Malkovich and Tilda "Astoundingly Gorgeous" Swinton !! It's Coen brothers. It's comedy. It's gold, like another Oscar, gold.
Quickly before the trailer. BURN follows two dim-headed gym employees (Pitt & McDormand) who happen across a disk containing the memoirs of an ex CIA agent. They then proceed to blackmail the agent (Malkovich), but when that proves unsuccessful, they try to sell it to the next highest bidder whether it be Russians or even other agents. The burning begins September 12th.

lol, I thought you might be worried, about the security, of your shit.


The Bat and Joker: Easy Riders

So, Spanish site Omelete just recently receieved two exclusive banners for THE DARK KNIGHT. They look cool. Well, it's nothing different, just more of the same (the same awesome).
And also if you're interested in seeing Batman with a milk mustache, head over to the special Got Milk? site featuring none other than the Dark Knight and neat photos, wallpapers, and icons. Click below to see The Bat himself sport a stripe of pasty white solution over his upper lip.


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Uwe Boll doesn't bollsh*t around, well kinda, but only for marketing

Do you have a problem with Uwe Boll? if yes, why? I have only seen three of Boll's film: HOUSE OF THE DEAD, ALONE IN THE DARK, and BLOODRAYNE. I have very specific issues with his filmmaking that just rub me the wrong way. It's the direction that feels weird. It's the camera work that feels uncreative. It's the editing that seems off and choppy. But I do believe that everyone and anyone that has the will to make film should be able to and be given the power to. I am interested in seeing Boll's latest film, POSTAL based off of an equally interesting videogame series and has just hit theaters last week.
Well, there has been a very large backlash against Boll and his film in the recent weeks and months even to the point of a online petition asking for a million signatures to stop Boll for every making another film. What a bunch of crap! How can a community based of creativity and will be so against someone wanting to make films. There are many people that enjoy his movies and that are not critical of them as many of us cinephiles are. Well, has just recently had an interview with Mr. Boll about recent events, his projects, online idiots, and the process of filmmaking in general. I appreciate his contribution to the film industry even if I don't enjoy his films. Make up your own mind.


STEP BROTHERS is now red band !!

Yes sir/ma'am, we've got it, the red band trailer for STEP BROTHERS, and it's gonna f*** your s*** up !! Enjoy.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

CHOKE trailer induces coma--got ya ! Didn't see that one comin' did ya?

Not sure if you remember but a while back I presented you all with a Sundance Channel exclusive clip behind the scenes of the upcoming film adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk's CHOKE, but I did. Now, little ol' CHOKE has itself a purdy little trailer, and it is quite purdy indeed. Check it out for yourself below. CHOKE is written and directed for the screen by Clark Gregg aka the SHIELD agent from IRON MAN that kept harassing Pepper Potts for a sit-down with Tony Stark about his escape from the terrorists. Ya, that guy, he's great.

It really is a fun trailer but I wish it was marketed a little differently and not play on the whole "he's unconsiously trying to change his ways" deal. Also I guess, even though they showed choking scenes, it wasn't played up at all. We'll have to wait for the film.


Monday, May 26, 2008

METAL GEAR Retrospective Part Three

Another week, another segment of METAL GEAR history brought to us by the fine folks at Yes today we bring you the third part in the Retrospective look on the METAL GEAR franchise. If you haven't caught yourself up yet, make sure you go and view both PART ONE and PART TWO.
Remember that all of this METAL GEAR mania is leading up to the long-awaited release of the last game METAL GEAR SOLID 4: Guns of the Patriots on June 12th. And now, GameTrailers brings us a look into the fourth game in the series, METAL GEAR SOLID 2:Sons of Liberty. получать удовольствие.


Friday, May 23, 2008

So many photos from THE HAPPENING, you'd swear you were in a psychotic stalker's house

You know, for a director who's always had his work under wraps, THE HAPPENING sure is being put out there for everyone to ogle over (though I'm sure everyone is just trying to get extra glimpses of Zooey Deschanel, I know I am). A Spanish site, Cinema em Cena recently got a scoop of THE HAPPENING in the form of photographs from the set as well as from the picture. I'm talking about a whole gallery full of photographs and in high-definition, too. The curl of Zooey's smile never looked so good. Speaking of her smile, click on it below to view the gallery in its entirety. Apprécier.



RIGHTEOUS KILL finally gets a good trailer, really good

If you saw the first trailer for RIGHTEOUS KILL, then you, like me, were most likely turned off by how bad it was. No joke, I thought it looked bad. A movie with Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. Bad.
Well, their marketing department put on their pretty shoes and put out a rather good trailer for the film and I really like it. The first trailer was playing the whole DEPARTED feel, making it seem like a Scorsese when it wasn't. That's all been fixed, it now looks like an original film, well as original as it can get. So, here it is then, RIGHTEOUS KILL in all its Albert Paniro glory. Get it? I just stuck both of their names together.


THE HAPPENING marketing: People dying and the ones who choreograph it

SlashFilm had a video yesterday as part of their VideoOfTheDay feature and they posted a very cool improv clip done by some folks in Australia as part of a promotion for THE HAPPENING. Now, there has been a little bit of a bad vibe going around about the film after a recent clip was released on Yahoo by Shyamalan that shows a few minutes from the film. I don't want to spoil anything; you can just watch it and SPOIL it yourself. Click the post extender below and watch both clips, or just one, or none and just go buy some ice cream from the truck you just heard outside. GOTTA GO !!

And then click here to see the Yahoo Video of M. Night Shyamalan introducing a clip from THE HAPPENING



Have you guys seen THUMBSUCKER, or CHUMSCRUBBER, or FIFTY PILLS? Well, you should because it stars someone who's definitely one to keep an eye on. His name is Lou Taylor Pucci and he's basically twin acting brother to the lovable Anton Yelchin. Anyway, He's starring in a new movie which should have been out a while back but never did, THE GO-GETTER. The film also stars the upcoming HAPPENING star Zooey Deschanel as well as teen angst veteran Jena Malone.
Taylor Pucci has several projects he's been working on and unfortunately has only a small part in the upcoming FANBOYS, a film about STAR WARS fanatics who travel to George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch to steal a copy of STAR WARS: EPISODE I. Count me in for that obviously.
Without further interruption, the trailer for THE GO-GETTER.


Russian WANTED trailer is...bloody great

I don't really want to say much except for, I really like Russian, and I really like films. Oh, and if you have seen the director's other work of NIGHTWATCH and DAYWATCH, then you'll notice a cameo in the trailer by Konstantin Khabensky who played Anton in both movies. Here's the International Russian red band trailer for WANTED. наслаждайтесь aka enjoy.


Tuesday, May 20, 2008

THE STRANGERS: a lesson in film marketing piracy

So for some reason, several of my friends are getting their underoos in a delightful twist over the new Liv Tyler horror flick THE STRANGERS. I did like the trailer that came out a month or so ago but I'm just not getting the hype. Yes, I do like the masked house guest thing they have going but my problem with recent Hollywood horror movies have been that they all seem to be made for lowest common denominator. I've recently seen some great foreign horror films that have been super enjoyable including THE ORPHANAGE which I very much suggest. Among those I'd also count the awesome FUNNY GAMES (yes, I'd categorize both versions of the film into the horror genre because they're that frakin' good).
Well today I bring you the newest STRANGERS poster. It's rather nice I must admit but something is just a little too familiar about it. Take a look below right after the jump.
This is a great unconventional poster for a horror movie. Wait, you know, this exact concept would have been great as a poster for WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, substituting Liv Tyler for Cameron Diaz of course. Anyhoo I'm getting off topic. Great poster right? I think so too, but it really does seem like a close duplicate of the poster for FUNNY GAMES with Naomi Watts. Here, take a look...
Why would they do that man? Well, one reason is that FUNNY GAMES had an extremely small US release and chances are that most people didn't watch that film. So there, it's not necessarily stealing the idea, hell that's what advertising is all about, "just built over solid foundations."

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the movie looks like a stinker, I'm just not as hyped about it because of similar recent American films. I do like that the trailer makes it seem like the film has more of the subtle frights rather than the magnanimous music leading up to a women opening her dresser drawer only to be scared shitless by the fact that someone has snuck into her room and arranged her thongs by brand, then fabric, then color. Chances are that THE STRANGERS will be exponentially better than last year's UNTRACEABLE, or was that this year? Point proven.

Is it just me or...and it probably is just me, but don't both posters make both of these gorgeous women look even hotter? There's only one correct answer. Yes.


Sunday, May 18, 2008

METAL GEAR Retrospective Part Two

Alright, last week we brought you Part One of the METAL GEAR Retrospective and this we're bringing you Part Dos. has done a great job putting together a history on not on the franchise but the creator Hideo Kojima.
Like last time though, before you watch the Retrospective Part Two, I want you all to watch the latest trailer released by the game's creators which is actually made as a mock movie trailer; it even has that movie announcer guy. Directly after that, you will find the well put-together Part Two.

Metal Gear Solid 4 Movie Trailer
Metal Gear Retrospective Part Two


Friday, May 16, 2008

A TROPIC THUNDER red band as well. Bring on the crawfish !!

Yay. Before, it was mainly black-itized Robert Downey Jr. that was selling the film, but now, just seeing at the rated-R bits just makes me giddy. Yes, I get giddy from time to time. Well, Just click on the beautiful link below to get to the TROPIC THUNDER red band page. Enjoy.

You probably just skipped the whole reading portion of this post to get to this link to see the red band trailer for TROPIC THUNDER !!

I forgive you.


THE HAPPENING Red Band trailer

Right off the bat, I want to warn all of you, this red band trailer does include SPOILERS. It's definitely fun and opens the film a little as to what we should expect though, I kind of wished I hadn't seen it. So, you have fair warning. So presented to us via, here is the trailer.


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Backlot photos of TWILIGHT aka Trees and the people who hug them

Well, the TWI-fo ("TWILIGHT info" remember? still doesn't work does it?) just keeps on rolling huh? Today, the LA Times' David Strick is the one to bring us great behind-the-scenes photos from the backlot. Strick has put together a new feature entitled "Hollywood Backlot" where he'll basically be bringing us all photographs from the set of different films. What better way to break in his new feature than to pay a visit to the set of our beloved TWILIGHT. Below, I've posted several photographs from his visit but I also have the link to the LA Times and specifically the Hollywood Backlot page where you can find all 24 photographs from the set. Enjoy.

Here are just a few of the photos. Just click on them to enlarge.

For all 24 of the shots, head over to the Hollywood Backlot page at the LA Times.


Crime? In America? You must be mistaken

There is a trailer I really want you guys to watch. This film is going to be my next FRAILTY, I can just feel it. The film to which I'm referring is of course, AN AMERICAN CRIME. You probably haven't heard a lick about it. It stars Catherine Keener who I must say gets better and better with every film she does, she's like Michael Caine, but not old, nor a man. Ok, how about we just compare her to Laura Linney. Better.
Anyhoo, CRIME also stars the lovable, huggable, impregnate-able Ellen Page. Oh, also, upcoming film stoner James Franco's in it. You already heard me compare the film to FRAILTY and I don't want to say much more about the film, I just want you to watch the trailer and tell me what you think. Capiche?
The first link below is for a fullscreen Windows Media player version and the second is just a link to the site wear you can view a smaller version of the trailer. Choose wisely. Choose the fullscreen. And here, we...go.

Watch the fullscreen Windows Media player version

Just be a loser and watch it off of the site


Friday, May 9, 2008

METAL GEAR Retrospective

Ok, so here is something not very film related but just as important to me: Metal Gear. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then I want you to pay extra attention. I would love to get more people onto the greatest video game franchise of all time. is running video retrospective of the entire Metal Gear saga split into parts. Here today is Part One. But before I play the Retrospective, I want to play a 15 minute trailer for the new Metal Gear Solid 4 game coming out June 12th, 2008. That's right, a day before both THE HAPPENING and THE INCREDIBLE HULK. That is going to be one great week.
Yes, the trailer is 15 minutes but assure you that if you are a movie and film fan, you will eat this trailer up. Not only do the Metal Gear games blend the best of cinema and tactical espionage action gameplay, but it also sports one of the greatest and most heralded plots of any story, ever (mostly my words, but the game is lauded world-wide; google it if you don't believe me). Tune in throughout the week for more movie updates as well as Part Two. So without further ado, here is the magnificent trailer for METAL GEAR SOLID 4 and the METAL GEAR Retrospective. Enjoy.

Metal Gear Solid 4 trailer

Metal Gear Retrospective


Wednesday, May 7, 2008

All new TWILIGHT poster

As every Tuesday, MTV will be bringing us TWILIGHT info (or rather TWI-fo? no? nevermind) and this week is no exception. Sorry, I would've had this up yesterday but I wasn't home for the most part. I also got a chance to watch SPEED RACER which I'll have a review up for as soon as I can.
Anyhoo, this week, MTV got a new exclusive poster featuring the immortal hunkster Edward, and the feeble yet cutesy Bella. Before I get to the poster itself though, I just want to give props to the photographer who got this gig shooting for the film, Joey Lawrence. I checked out his website which is all kinds of impressive and his portfolio speaks for him. I need to start taking my Nikon SLR out for a spin dammit. Check out a quick interview MTV did with him about his work for TWILIGHT.
Alright now, go ahead and hit the magic button below to snag an eyeful of the two damned lovers in the all new poster for TWILIGHT.

I actually love this poster compared to the first official, heavily photoshopped, group shot from last week. Simple and creatively explicable. So what do you guys think? Does this convey the essence of TWILIGHT?


Monday, May 5, 2008

A TWILIGHT teaser to calm your restless soul

Watch now, babble later.

Read below after the jump for my thoughts as a link to a video on where the author, Stepenie Meyer, briefly talks about her new novel, The Host.
So what was I supposed to feel while watching that teaser for TWILIGHT? I'm not sure but it was a mixture of anticipation, excitement, and a little bit of rage. Well, it's just that they seemed to be concentrating on the wrong thing (a deer being hunted? made it seem like a scene left out of APOCALYPTO). But wait, it did also have them in the forest, and Tyler's van almost hitting Bella, and the two in the Cullen mansion but something just felt odd or missing. I'm probably just over-analyzing but there must be more of you out there that feel the same. Enough of the bad, I'm happy, happy that there's a teaser this early. Watching those MTV behind-the-scenes clips amped me up a little and I'm sure the first trailer will put me at ease whenever they release it come September or so.
For now, let's just enjoy the tidbit they've provided us and wait for book IV, Breaking Dawn, to be released August 2, 2008AD.
And here also is the link to Go watch sweet Ms. Meyer.

Also, why does Edward's face look the way it looks. Is it me? Robert Pattinson's face looks more lemon swirly for some reason.


It's simple, kill the Batman

It's the moment you've all been waiting for. No, Michael Jackson isn't starring in the new PACMAN movie. It's the new DARK KNIGHT trailer. We've been waiting a long time for this, I've been waiting a long time for this. I would've had this up earlier when the news broke, but I was doing classwork until about 12 minutes ago. So yay for being done with schoolwork, and yay for The Joker, Harvey Dent/Two-Face, high pitched laughing, calling cards with no number, mid-air semi-trucks, skin-eating chemicals and one badass Bat. So, without further ado...hit the play button and enjoy a trailer I wish I'd had my first kiss to.

I wanted to post this before I posted the trailer above but I didn't want any distractions. Anyhoo, as just a reminder, watch this before you watch THE DARK KNIGHT.

Is it just me you want one of those masks that the Joker hooligans wear?


Friday, May 2, 2008

Zooey Deschanel is totally HAPPENING ! I had to say it sometime

The week of June 12th is already going to be one of the best weeks of the year because of Metal Gear Solid 4's release. Not only that, but on June 13th, THE HAPPENING is released. I am atingle with excitement. And to add further to that sensation, is a new trailer. I believe UNBREAKABLE to be Shyamalan's opus, but he gets better, technically, as his films progress. I am definitely anticipating how he'll woo us this time with his film-making.


Are we killing some people today?

Well, remember a couple hours ago when I wasn't too impressed with the new photo released by Summit Entertainment for TWILIGHT? Well, things have been rectified. I just found a few MTV exclusive clips on the set of TWILIGHT that impressed me, very much. My slight detachment of vigor has returned for the film. Again, stay tuned for more on TWILIGHT out December 12th, 2008AD.


Breaking News: TWILIGHT stars fall into vat of wax

Please do not be alarmed for that headline is not true. Well, it is, but not completely. Let's just blame it on poor, poor, poor photoshop artists. Anyhoo, the folks at Cinematical received an exclusive official character poster for TWILIGHT. This coming from someone who is very much looking forward to its release, for some reason I'm not sure if the pic made me more excited for the film. See for yourself and click below for the first official ensemble photo for TWILIGHT.

And here it is in all its glory and photoshop edits. Seriously, yes it looks awesome and I'm happy with the cast choices (I have to be), but at the same time, did they have to make it look like a rejected photograph from the cutting room floors of Vanity Fair?And also take a look at this. They're old test shot of the family sans Bella (Kristen Stewart). Click on the pics for larger versions.
Better or worse than the official one? Still, I'm excited for TWILIGHT which comes out December 12th of this year.
Oh and one last thing. It's a pic of James played by Cam Gigandet. Now that I have absolutely no problem with. Keep your eyes open for more here at GreenHouseFilmReviews.

P.S. I'm finally about to start the third book, Eclipse. Yay.


HANCOCKian mischief

I'm really not sure what it is, or rather was, about HANCOCK that made me want to pee on the poster if I ever saw it, but the film just didn't interest me, at all. I began putting things together. Will Smith couldn't follow up a success like I AM LEGEND with some crap, or could he? Having not read the script, the only plot details I knew were the plot details that everyone knew. Man with superpowers is actually an ass but then has to get himself on the ball and straighten up. Peter Berg(THE KINGDOM, COLLATERAL) directed it, which was one of the only things I was excited about; that and Jason Bateman. But with a new trailer out now, I can breathe a little easier. Make up your own mind about it after watching the trailer below. Then hit the jump at the end to watch a condensed version with only the new action scenes for ADHD viewers.

Is it just me or...
should Jason Bateman play a superhero. You know how great that would be? Him or Will Arnett. Or both of them! Bateman could play Robin, and Arnett could play Edward Nigma/The Riddler.